i feel scared and very alone with hpv

I'm so sorry... I have high risk HPV which is less of a social stigma because there are no warts,,, but I get the cervical cancer scares instead. i can't say i "know what you are going through"... I don't... nobody can see mine.

I don't know your story... you don;t have to tell me at all... some people sleep with 100's of people and get nothing... me, I got it from the first guy I ever had sex with... I was 24... I did everything right... I waited, I had him get tested for STDs... it was a relationship that lasted 3 years and I found out I had it 2 years into the relationship... having this does not make you a "dirty whore" I have been with three people my whole life and was married to the 3rd. takeit easy on yourself... you can get through this.

Thank you for the encouragement. I am just scared for what is to come in the later years. I feel like stuff like this is never fair, then again life is not fair. I just don't know what to do next. I know I should keep moving on with my life and look towards the best things. Its just very hard right now. I keep rethinking things that I have done but I know that I will not be able to turn back time and reverse things. Thank you for reaching out. It means a lot.

I certainly relate to the feeling alone part. I wish I could tell a family member but I know they would judge me and be upset at me for getting it. It is something that only me, my bf, and a few of my friends know, and they all love me and support me. Still, it's hard when you get diagnosed with something that sucks but you know you can't openly talk about it.

I agree I still feel very judged. Last week when I was at the doctors a nurse came to let me in the doctors room. She looked over my chart and then gave me a pity look. I was so offended I felt like crying.I didn't want her pity, I wanted her help. I wanted her to not judge me and tell me that things happen. Instead I just sat there and she stared at me like I have 9 heads. I felt very alone then. I want the world to be more aware of things like this but I don't exactly know how to go about doing that.

When I got diagnosed not that long ago, the receptionist gave me a kind of weird look when I walked out with the Dr. It was like an awkward, almost like "You must be dirty" kind of look. It kinda pissed me off! That's why I was so in shock, because I thought only people who have had a ton of partners get things like this. I've been with one person. HPV just doesn't make sense.

I found out I had hpv when I went to my first check up at 21, Ive been with three people by that point. My doctor was very understanding, even told me how she had it once years ago. But the assistant that checks my blood pressure and weight before going in, she usually talks to me with that pitty voice about how sad it is for young women to have this.

It seems like there is no way to prevent this. They say condoms dont help. So I dont understand it either. Or really know what to do after. Im almost 25 now (have only been with 4 people) and still have this thing with me. But girl, it could always be worse. Genital warts are bad.. but having them on your butt area sometimes, thats a bit more of an awkward trip to the doctor. haha.

I cant help but get angry at the previous guys Ive been with. I dont think its healthy way to approach it, but I cant help but blame them a little. I wonder if the guys were more responsible and didnt have so many partners, then maybe I wouldnt have been at risk.

I can certain understand where your coming from. Im 19 years old in College and I have the kind that gives warts. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror i feel dirty and feel like people can see that I have it. I cheated on my ex boyfriend once and now i feel like its my fault and that i deserve this for cheating! , but i feel absoulte angry with the guy who gave it to me and i feel like if he would jsut not sleep around with randoms and i wasnt so stupid than i wouldnt be stuck with this for the rest of my life .. its a shame !

Update- two days ago I went to go into surgery to have the warts laser removed. I was very scared but the doctorw who did my procedure was very thorough. I was under anesthesia and the whole process took about 30 minutes. Right now I'm very tender and sore down there and in a lot of pain but I can't even begin to explain to you how relieved I am. They're gone. My docotr assured me that I will most likely neve get the. Again and if I do he perscribed me some aldara to get as soon as I see one. It made me feel very secure that I wouldn't have to deal with this. I don't think laser is for everyone, I only got it because my warts were getting worse with tca treatment not better. I had gone to different doctors to feel them all out and I found the best one for me. That's a very important part in this process. If you don't feel comfortable or feel awkward asking your doctor certain questions you should switch right away. Before laser removal I went to another doctor. Who tried more tca. He was extremely rude and basically told me I was being a baby and needed to succk I up. He put tca on and got it everywhere! I mean everywhere. Spots that had no warts, my anal area even! I even had some on my leg! It was awful. All in all, look for someone you trust because they're going to be handeling a very sensitive part to you and its area that all women care about. I wish everyone luck with their treatments! Also don't feel gross or like a slut. I felt the same way and I couldn't sleep at night. I'm talking 2-3 hours total. Just relax. As soon as you realize its going to be okay you'll notice everything kind of calms down. Don't think this is karma for you cheating either!! Its not. This is just a bump in the road and we just happened to get it now instead of later. This whole process will make you stronger and change who you are trust me. I'm not glad or happy or thankful that I got this by any means, however it has taught me so much. There are many things that have changed about me since I was diagnosed. I'm glad I can take one positive thing from this experience! Don't give up and think its over, you're a good person inside and out. This is just.a little hiccup you gotta get past!!

Xoxo